They Don’t Know

We haven’t explained to the kids yet that we have committed to Roxy. They’ve been through this up-and-down road with us. The whole way through. Explaining miscarriage and the loss of their great grandfather to them, I thought, was one of the hardest things I’d have to ever do. Breaking the news to them about Liam was a great hurdle for their hearts too. We explained these things to them on their level. Questioning every phrase we utter to them. Wondering which words will get locked into their minds. Wondering how every conversation molds their worlds.

We don’t keep it hushed. We stay open to all of their questions. Even though, sometimes, it hurts to hear the words and consider an answer. One day though they’ll know more. One day I imagine we will sit and we will explain the retrospective adult version of things. How will it all effect them? Some of this loss is out of our hands but some we’ve opened our lives to experiencing. We chose the risk of loss and pain.

I all ready wonder what their first reactions and questions will be once we do tell them about little Roxy. I’m not certain when we’ll sit them down. No time feels right and I would bet no moment will seem best. Of course, they are to some extent aware we are doing something. Naomi and Emma are intuitive enough to realize when things are changing. In a most practical sense, they also remember our home study social worker and will see her again soon.

I don’t want to be so withheld. Even if the opposite of our hopes and plans were to happen again – they’d be told anyway. Yet, we’ve waited to tell them we are intending to actually go on an airplane to another country to adopt a daughter and sister.

The weight of this is so real. The pertinence of our timing, reasoning, and responding is critical. My husband and I aren’t just putting ourselves in the position to alter our lives here. We are deciding to include (at least) four young children in this. It is a critical and far-reaching alteration in their futures. It will change the entire structure of their lives – forever. It brings with it new birth order, new connections, risk, and a difference in community. It includes so much that we forget on a day-to-day basis.  It will bring in to our reality so much we could refuse to even recognize. We also have to look at the positions and expectations we are placing on them. Our views and voice will directly empower and inspire theirs. How we discuss matters of nationality, disability, and family will be their foundation.

I hope they see one day why we chose this path. That the criss-crosses made in our alterations of their lives will bring them a greater understanding of things I’m just learning about myself.



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